Where We Hold Others

A friend does something to upset you. You’re wounded and an apology, assuming the friend even knows what he or she did to begin with, doesn’t really satisfy you. You stay a little mad at that person, if only to teach them a lesson. Yes. That’s it. It’s a lesson to be learned, one that your friend should already know, but clearly does not. And since you are all wise and all knowing, you’re just the person to teach them that. After all, you’re doing it as their friend. It’s not as if you’re attacking that person. You’re enlightening them.

But after the lesson, you still don’t feel right. All that teaching, and nothing. Of course, it’s your friend’s problem. Your friend is too dense and stubborn to listen and gratefully receive this gift you’re so unselfishly giving. You see all, up there on that pedestal you live on.

It’s not that what your friend did that was upsetting didn’t happen. It did. And if it’s really something to be upset about, then you address the content of what happened, and then let it go. Your response is yours. Your friend’s behavior is his or hers. It gets tricky when we forget that and merge it all together, and that’s also when we begin to hold others in a place of our own choosing.

If our friend acknowledges that he or she did something unkind, how often do we not really accept that apology? How often do we add what they did to the long list of what we know about someone? Because that list is the real deal. It’s the truth. Now our friend becomes someone who isn’t such a nice person anymore and we can’t help but see that person through the lens of that added “truth”. And that’s the definition of holding someone in the place of our choosing. We supply the definition. Our friend never had a chance. But neither do we.

Holding others in the place we need them to be furthers the drama in our lives. It’s an uncomfortable place for anyone to be, yet we never fully forgive because we’re waiting for the behavior to repeat itself, thus validating our position in the first place. We never understand that it’s completely our choice to do all of this, blaming our friend for the entire mess.

But here’s the thing. We focus into physical form. Imagine for a minute what that might look like to someone (okay a non-physical someone) observing that process. It might look like a wave of energy sweeping into a point, that focal point being our physical form. Does that wave of energy cease to exist at that moment? Or is it still present, still driving the focal point of that essence? That would suggest the physical form is driven by the non-physical side of us. You know, the side that’s an extension of Source.

Why would we ever get confused by this? But we do. Most of us forget when we focus into form where we came from. Sensitives, empaths and the like don’t do that as much, but we don’t always realize what we’re experiencing until our loved ones and friends have convinced us we’re a little nuts or something. We know they’re wrong, but since we feel the nonphysical side of us more than others, ours is a surreal life at times until we understand and come to terms with it.

The good thing is, just because you’re not as clairsentient as someone else, it doesn’t mean that you can’t access the nonphysical aspect of yourself. After all, you’re still focusing in to even exist here. That energy process doesn’t stop when physical form is created. Might you also be just as able to focus in a way to remember that? Of course you can. Even simply telling yourself this is true begins a resonance within. We’re here to create, not be overwhelmed. We’re here to focus in to our creative life, not drown in the icky sticky goo of drama.

As society is a blending or maybe a result of our personal lives, it’s easy to understand the crisis we face in this country, as we hold others in the position we need them to be. Immigrants, women, children, gays, lesbians, people of color..all feel this happening. Everything is defined on the basis of separation from others. Us versus them. We can’t solve our undocumented worker problem because we want to hold them in that position. Immigration reform would blow that out of the water. Whatever will we do without workers to abuse. Because they’re workers..not people with lives, needs, dignity, and deserving of respect.

We cannot allow gays to marry because of why, exactly? So we hold them in that position we need them to be. We decide that they will hurt children so we don’t want them to adopt or become teachers or scoutmasters. We demonize them into the place we need them to be. Because ours is the only expression of love and family that’s tolerated. Whatever that is.

And obviously, it’s just fine and dandy to assume any black male person is a danger to self and others. Because we’ve decided to hold them in a position of our choosing, they can never be anything else, not even our President. Except a funny thing happened a few years ago. We’re watching this play out in Congress. They wish to hold the President in a position of their own choosing. And this choice is reflected in our communities as law enforcement hold black community members in a place of their own choosing.

It takes on a life of its own, no? Where are we living? Where are we focusing? Who are we focusing as? When we hold others in a place of our own choosing, we hold in resistance the separation that seems to dominate our thinking. We are, in fact, preserving that separation. But it’s a false one. It’s not based in our true reality as one with each other. So it is, therefore, an illusion that we hold as true, holding everyone hostage, forgetting that we are also part of the everyone.

If we’re extensions of Source, shouldn’t we exist in our focus here as that? If we remembered that truth every moment of every day, wouldn’t it be easier to stay out of the icky sticky goo that judgment brings to the experience? Drama is destructive. Why would any of us want to focus into this physical form we experience and not do that in a joyful way? We express that joy in refusing to judge another. We express that joy when we see others as the very same extension of Source that we are. This is a beautiful place to live. What if we experienced it that way together, as the one energy we truly are?

~Blessed Be our One Family