Stepping Aside
I’ve spent a large part of my life existing in the negative energy of others. Most of the time I had no choice in the matter. It was an incredible training ground for an empath, but difficult nonetheless. A witch by birth, I learned to stay quiet by not doing so. I still have trouble with that one. Finding Human Design has validated my understanding of auras and their interaction with others, how some enfold and draw in like mine does, to those that are dense and repel. I grew up understanding the movement of energy around me more than I did any words spoken or actions taken, especially if those things weren’t in agreement. It’s hard being three or four and calling out adults on their hypocrisy. I mean, what do you say to a little blue-eyed girl who speaks truth? Needless to say, no one was comfortable with me.
Little girls learn early on that having a voice is dependent upon another’s approval. And it’s bullshit. However, many succumb and it’s reflected in their willingness to add to the drama, judging harshly those sisters who need their support the most. They live their “special place in hell” spoken of by Madeleine Albright on a daily basis, seeing other women as the enemy, unable to hear even the slightest difference in thinking or being, even shutting down the conversation if necessary so that nothing they believe or say is challenged. They emit negative energy masked in something else. When you’re born aware, as I was, you feel these incongruities in the other person. Eventually they coalesce into form and even though you see that it’s born of pain, it’s still hard to detach from the hurt you feel from their actions. But detachment is what’s exactly called for. Otherwise, an aware person drowns in the other’s chaos. At least that’s how I experience it. It’s like swirling around in a vortex that pulls you ever downward. Even writing about it takes my breath away.
Many of us simply assume a defensive posture and never leave it, seeing everything as an attack, even when others agree with them. They cannot hear the agreement, evidently, choosing instead to pull something said out of context, and responding from there. It’s a never-ending struggle, caused by perception, rather than truth. I always feel so helpless in these situations because nothing I say or do can end that struggle for them. They have to find their own solutions and all any of us can do is step aside and let them. For an empath, it’s heartbreaking, because we see the entire picture of someone. We know who they actually are, without the disarray caused by their own perception of self. So to see people we know and love struggle when it’s so needless is painful beyond words.
I’ve found myself in this place of stepping aside lately. I believe in coming together in unity of purpose, respecting and learning from the individual differences I encounter. When that’s not possible, for whatever reason, I’ve learned to step aside. Staying too long within the drama only feeds it, and I’ve done far too much of that under the guise of not giving up. It’s not naivete; it’s just hard to give up on someone when you see how amazing they really are. But now, I’m weary of it all.
Maybe it’s that I’m in my Crone phase of life. The cynical among us would blame it on menopause, but given that I think menopause actually returns clarity to a woman, I would heartily disagree with that assessment. I find trying to deal with things, whether they be people, problems, so-called healing that I supposedly need to do, to be irritating at best. Because at the end of the day, what really happens? What earth-shattering revelation have you gained by it all? I don’t have the energy anymore to tolerate people who would just as soon be hypocrites as decent human beings. It’s just not possible anymore. And I’m okay with that.
I’m not sure when this happened, but I really don’t feel the need to explain myself anymore to people who behave disrespectfully toward me. I don’t have to explain any of it to them, or try to get them to see a different view. I’m more than happy to view them as the assholes that they indeed are. I feel no need to explain where they went wrong, or what they should be doing about it. It doesn’t matter if they understand how I feel about what they did. My feelings are clearly of no interest to them anyway so I just don’t care anymore. They can stand all by themselves on whatever hill it is they wish to die on as the saying goes in all their proverbial glory..or assholiness. Whatever. I’m not even interested enough to watch.
When the boys homeschooled, we used a couple of books written by the same author focusing on our justice and economic systems (Whatever Happened to Justice, and something about penny candy). Our justice system is based upon the ideas of do all you say you will do and don’t encroach upon others. I used to say to the boys that if they did nothing else but live by those two concepts, they’d be fine in life. The same two ideas also apply to communication within relationships.
When we come together for a common purpose, whether it be in a marriage, a family, a job, or any other group of people, all voices need respecting and preserving. All voices. We make that agreement, whether formally or informally, to respect each other’s integrity and voice by coming together in the first place. It’s not made only with those with whom we happen to agree. Individual differences enhance us whether we adopt them or not. Respect costs us nothing, while disrespect loses us everything. I’ve allowed too much disrespect to surround me, choosing to remain silent as others run roughshod. I’ve given myself away to these people, letting them define my response.
Remaining silent is sometimes the only response we have. But I have to think that we choose it too often, when it’s our spouse, our kids, our co-workers, our friends, complete strangers. We get in the habit of letting too much go. Maybe we don’t engage verbally, but we need to engage somehow. Make a choice that respects your integrity, your dignity. Make a choice that protects you instead of leaving you wide open for the next time. Allow no one to decide what’s best for you. That belongs to you and only you.
So I’m done with the chaos, the disrespect, the suppression of my voice. I’m stepping aside, out of the line of fire. I will no longer create the space for disrespect to take hold. I will no longer let others hold me in a place of their choosing based upon a perception of me that isn’t real. I’m not cooperating anymore. I’m no longer living with the damage they cause. It doesn’t belong to me. Instead, I’d rather create and hold space for all things loving and peaceful.
Imagine..a lovely conversation over a cup of tea..candles lit and incense burning..the sun is shining..the hummingbirds are paying a visit..feel the resonance of the moment..then lather, rinse and repeat.
~Blessed Be
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Thank you... Jan Erickson