The Intrinsic Value of the Crone

I grew up as a witchling and empath in a family that didn’t understand me but certainly defined themselves by my achievements. It wasn’t so much about my success, but how that success made them look. The expectations I learned to live with made it difficult to be who I was. I tried to be acceptable to people which never turned out as I expected. People pleasing typically backfires. When you give your power away to others, they know it on a visceral level, even if they don’t realize it intellectually at the time. They will repeat the expectation of you, and you’ll need to respond or risk rejection.

Empaths have a tough go of it when they’re young if they don’t grow up in an aware household. We know everything and it’s so difficult not to share what we know. But when it’s information that we have no real way of knowing, no one believes us. And if we’re calling someone out for their nonsense when we don’t have any direct knowledge of it, the individual typically uses that fact to dismiss what we say. We’re shamed as know-it-alls. It’s like standing on the outside of everything with people too afraid of what we know to let us in.

When you’re a witch as well, and you know that from age three as I did, you might as well give up on having any sort of a normal life. No matter how much normalcy you try to include in your life, it will never feel right, so you might as well live as you wish. If you can socialize easily with others, then that’s fabulous, but for most of us it’s not the easiest thing to do. We feel out of place as we pick up on the emotions and thoughts of others. It’s hard to stay aligned and centered in a group of people, so we tend to steer clear of parties and large gatherings.

Over the course of our lifetime a witch may choose to remain alone, but many marry and have children and not all of us are out as witches when we do. I wasn’t, although I didn’t exactly keep it a secret with respect to my behavior or beliefs. My husband wasn’t surprised when I finally confessed my truth and he has no problem being a consort to a witch. He’s a bit of a shaman as it is, and after thirty-seven years of marriage, we still click.

In witchcraft as well as pagan culture, the Triple Goddess is revered. Maiden, Mother and Crone are Her aspects which depict the three phases of life a woman experiences. Reverence is the key word here. Lately, I’ve been hearing negativity expressed by some about embracing their Crone aspect. The Crone has gotten a bad rap over the years, referring to her as a Hag, etc. But then in this country, we don’t exactly revere older people. We dismiss them, relegating them to someone we simply aren’t ready to be. Instead of a repository of wisdom, older people are treated with disdain and at times, contempt.

When I was so ill with rheumatoid arthritis, it was difficult to walk from point A to point B. I walked slowly and with great pain, using a cane most of the time. Shopping at large stores was a nightmare because everyone was in a hurry, I was always in the way, and no one seemed to care if they slammed their carts into me. I understood immediately what it must be like for older people who have similar trouble ambulating. It was terrifying. I remember one time going to the car after shopping a local big box store. I was trying to get across the parking lot and a horn blared. I jumped, nearly fell, and looked back to see an old man and his wife screaming at me to move out of their way. I burst into tears and continued on my way.

It speaks to how we view someone who is either old or sick. We’re in the way. We’re a bother. We have no value anymore.

To that I say, bullshit.

I was participating in a discussion online in a group I belong to about what age becoming a Crone begins. I was so disappointed to see some of the comments that essentially took the view that they would go down kicking and screaming before they’d ever be a Crone. Seriously? I was stunned.

My hair began turning silver at sixteen. I was born with medium to dark brown hair with lots of red highlights. When I turned 33 I stopped dying my hair. By that time, my witch streak was fully defined and the rest of my hair was filling in with silver. So I decided I was done with all of that and before I turned 40, my long hair was fully silver. Given that chronology, I’m fairly certain I’ve always been a Crone. The Maiden and Mother probably happened in another incarnation. My mother and her friends used say that if an older woman wore her hair long she was considered to be one of those kind of women. To this day, I have no idea who they are, but clearly I’m one of them.

Our society values youthfulness. Women bear the brunt of this attitude, relegated to withering on the vine while men in our patriarchal world, on the other hand, do as they please. So I understand a woman’s reluctance to embrace her Crone aspect.

A Crone is full of the wisdom that living life gives. She is not someone to be feared or to be rejected. I participated in an online group a while back where the individual controlling the group chose to prevent me from responding further to something she posted after my initial comment. It had to do with witches charging for what they do, which is something that many witches frown upon. It has to do with ethics. I said that I thought it was fine to charge for tarot readings and the like because it’s a skill that takes time to learn and it should be acceptable to charge for one’s time at least. She responded and then blocked me from commenting further. There was no drama, nothing. Just the suppression of a Crone’s voice in a group where all voices were supposed to be honored and cherished.

I left the group shortly thereafter. I don’t have time for such disrespect. No Crone does. We’ve learned over a lifetime where to put our energy and who not to give a rat’s ass about. It’s not that we ask, who do you think you are, but more like, oh, there you are. Because as the saying goes, a Crone doesn’t suffer fools gladly. At our age, we’ve seen and experienced far too much to spend any time all with people who are self-serving.

I turn fifty-nine in October. I fully embrace my Crone Aspect as the tagline at the top of my blog states. It’s the best time of my life. I can do what I want, think what I want, and say what I want. I can spend my days as I please, putting my energy into any creative endeavor I choose. In many respects, a woman’s life truly begins during her Crone years. So to dismiss that time or us as something to avoid at all costs seems sad and so unnecessary.

I offer some of my history to show that each of us has a story to tell that has purpose and value. Those witches who grow up solitary as I did bring a perspective to the conversation, a perspective that’s valid and necessary. Our craft, our magick, wasn’t dependent upon initiation into a tradition. We didn’t have the benefit of a Crone’s guidance along the way. We learned by doing, by allowing, and by knowing. We had only our awareness of what resonated as our guide.

What a Crone has to say matters. Our wisdom is gained over a lifetime lived, and we have so much to offer. We have value and purpose and a presence like no other.

~Blessed Be the Crone