Patriarchy Isn’t Going Away Quietly

I watched part of the Commander-in-Chief forum last night, turning it off after Secretary Clinton was finished. I couldn’t watch the poor excuse for an interviewer give the next guy the pass he didn’t seem interested in giving Hillary. Even with all of her qualifications, he couldn’t be respectful enough to let her finish a thought. But then that’s how it is with powerful women. There are still men who apparently are so intimidated that they find any way that they can to make us look less than we are. Those watching last night witnessed just such a man. Well, two of them.

We’ve all lived under patriarchy for so long that it doesn’t occur to some that there can be anything else. But it’s never felt right to treat women as less than when we’ve never been anything like that. We’ve fought in wars, we take care of our families, we run companies, but we’re somehow less than our male counterparts. And now some of the more loony ones are fixated on a cough that Secretary Clinton had. A cough. President Bush choked on a pretzel and while there were jokes made about it, most people were just concerned that he was okay. These other people sound like complete nutjobs.

The other candidate has no ideas other than those which will derail our country further. Secretary Clinton, on the other hand, has all sorts of plans to make our country better, but media outlets are more interested in covering the crazy guy than listening to what she has to say. It’s probably why she doesn’t talk to them much. She’d rather talk to voters. Oh, the horror of it all.

She doesn’t smile; she doesn’t look presidential. Give me a break. This woman looks more presidential than even her husband did. Besides, it’s about governing, not about her own celebrity. Next they’ll be saying she’s not woman enough for the job. But then maybe that’s what the smile comments are about.

When we make it about the visual, we lose substance. An election is not a television show, irrespective of the fact that one of the candidates is akin to a game show host. I want to know how a candidate is going to govern and if he or she understands what people in our country deal with on a daily basis, regardless of who they are. I want to know that he or she understands the rest of world and our place in it. I want to know that he or she has a firm grasp on the issues we all face in this world and that wisdom will prevail over impulsive reaction.

When my parents were divorced, I remember my mom was up for a promotion to department head at the grocery store where she worked. I was in college and we talked about the fact that she might be able to be an Assistant Store Manager, but she would never be in charge of the whole place. That was a job reserved for men because they had families to take care of. My mother was now a single parent with a deaf son and a daughter in college, but apparently a man’s responsibilities were greater than my mother’s.

It was bullshit then and it’s bullshit now. But that’s how the world was in the 70’s. For all the work feminism was doing, we hadn’t come very far, and listening to the crap that comes from men who should know better about this election, it tells me that we have so much more work to do. But it’s as disgusting now as it was then.

People wonder why so many older women support Hillary. Well, it’s because we’ve experienced patriarchy in all its ugliness. It’s not because she’s a woman, but because she’s qualified. Because if she wasn’t, none of us would be supporting her.

Here’s the thing. Women are intelligent, responsible people. We work hard, and we want an equal place at the table. And we shouldn’t have to ask for it or point it out. We THINK. We REASON. And we VOTE. And in November each one of us will make the best decision we can when we cast our vote.

But is it time for a woman in the Oval Office? Yes. And the fussy men out there who can’t seem to stop sticking both feet in their mouths need to sit down, shut up, and learn a thing or two.

Women aren’t the enemy. We just want to be treated with respect and dignity. And we want to be paid the same as our male counterparts. We don’t want to be defined by whether or not we smile enough. And just so men know, saying stuff like this makes you look so pathetic and small. Women are tired of being judged, period. Because it’s only there to keep women in a place defined by men who want control instead of fairness, preserving patriarchy instead of a more balanced engagement.

Any time change happens, those that want to preserve the status quo will spend their efforts on derailing that change. But a tipping point has been reached, and patriarchy is giving way to a more balanced, reasoned approach to how we relate to each other. We have to start somewhere. Maybe we begin by electing Hillary Clinton our first woman President.

A note about the picture at the top of the white cosmos. This little plant is a volunteer, began with one flower, and has been growing in my driveway all summer. Its beauty and tenacity speaks to the strength of a woman who stands in her own power in spite of any obstacles in her path. As women, like this flower, we’ve persevered in our becoming. And there’s no stopping us now.

Blessed Be