High Horses

I read something today about patriarchy that really has me scratching my head. Although I think I understand what the author was talking about, I disagree with her premise I guess. At least I think I do. Apparently women are as responsible for misogyny as are men and we confuse patriarchy with masculinity. And that men want what we want and are really reaching out for understanding and we should embrace them for that.

What?

Then she wants all of the Goddesses out there to get off their high horses about all of it. It’s a paradigm after all. And that’s true. It is a paradigm. But paradigms like patriarchy result in behavior that’s oppressive and unwanted, so there’s no high horse to get off of here. We’re just trying to be safe in a really unsafe world. She ended her piece by telling Boudicca, a great grandmother in my ancestry, to put down her sword. Right, like that would ever happen.

Okay. Yes, we participate in our experiences. I agree with that. If someone behaves in a misogynistic manner to me, I have a choice to call them out on their behavior, or to respond in any other way I might wish. If I choose to say nothing, does it then mean I’m part of the problem? What if I’m afraid? What if I say something and it causes further trouble? Because this has happened to me. I told a man to leave me alone one time and he came up behind me and grabbed my hair and said all sorts of disgusting things to me. Was I to embrace this man as someone who was reaching out to me as the author suggests? Or should I have called the police and let him feel the embrace of law enforcement?

The other thing I found odd was her use of Sister(s). It’s like when someone uses your first name while explaining something to you. It’s condescending and when it happens, I stop listening. I do. I just stop and I don’t care what the person has to say ever again. It’s a zero tolerance thing for me.

Maybe my problem with this is because I don’t see duality the way the author apparently does. I believe the only true duality is nonphysical versus physical presence, so any talk of duality based in physical form is an illusion of sorts. When we talk about Sacred Feminine this and Sacred Masculine that, we’re really defining ourselves in a way that lends itself to expressions of separation when our nonphysical aspect of Self already embodies both of those concepts. Of course the argument to that could be that we live our physical aspect of Self, that our nonphysical aspect isn’t particularly relevant, yet it must be if we’re interjecting the Sacred into the conversation.

I like that the author challenges the reader to think outside the box, so to speak, on a subject that’s clearly controversial, but I still disagree. When women talk about patriarchy, they’re talking about behavior. It may indeed be a paradigm, but it’s behavior that makes us afraid, that keeps us making less than our male counterparts, that oppresses, controls, hurts, and yes, sometimes kills us.

We may stay longer than is safe, but he’s convinced us that he’ll kill us and/or our children if we leave.

Should I have not found an apartment for my mother, brother, and myself after graduating from high school when we were no longer safe from my father? Should we have embraced him when he followed my mother home from work one day? Should we have understood and let him hurt us? Again?

I allowed men to sexually harass me at a business I co-owned with my husband because I was afraid of losing business if I spoke up. Am I part of the problem? On one level, yes. But should I have embraced them for it? Was it okay for one guy to describe my body to me and then giggle to the friend he brought with him, pointing while saying, look how skinny she is, while his friend grinned from ear to ear. Should I have contacted his wife and asked if she wanted me to embrace him, or would she want that privilege? Should I have called my husband into the room, told him what was going on and allowed him to handle it?

So you can see how I’m confused.

There’s lots of men out there who understand how to treat others, women included. They are respectful and have integrity. I know because I’ve been married to one for some 37 years. These are not the men of patriarchy. They’re part of the solution. And while telling women to get off their high horses might spark conversation, it doesn’t take into account the real experiences many of us have.

Women aren’t stupid. We see what’s going on in the world and we are as savvy as we can be to negotiate around all the obstacles that are placed in our way. And to suggest that we help put them there is not just insensitive, but in this Crone’s opinion, wrong.

Blessed Be to all the women up there on their high horses. Stay there. We’ve had to walk behind for too long.