Finding Inner Strength When You Have Nothing Left

Oh my. Where do I begin? Donald Trump has an opinion about veterans who suffer from PTSD. They’re not strong¹ in his estimation. From Vice President Joe Biden on Trump’s comments:

“Where in the hell is he from?” Biden asked at a Florida rally for Hillary Clinton. “I don’t think he was trying to be mean. He is just so thoroughly, completely uninformed.”²

Vice President Biden may be correct that Trump wasn’t trying to be mean, but I believe he suffers from a disconnect so profound that it affects his ability to connect in a fundamentally respectful manner with anyone, the most obvious example his endless Twitter rampages against anyone who tells the truth about him. And it’s bad enough he went after Captain Humayun Saqib Muazzam Khan’s parents after they spoke at the Democratic National Convention, but now he’s taken to expressing opinions that aren’t just heartless, but in fact destructive concerning veterans who suffer from PTSD.

Is there no one this guy won’t disparage? He’s stated that men and women shouldn’t serve together in the military, citing that practice as a reason for sexual assault. He went off the rails on Twitter about Rosie O’Donnell and Alicia Marchado because he lacks even a modicum of self-control. But veterans?

My husband is a disabled Vietnam veteran and he knows a thing or two about PTSD. He’s watched friends suffer from it, and taught martial arts to PTSD survivors, including me. It’s not just veterans who suffer from PTSD. Those of us who have experienced rape, sexual abuse, and spousal/partner abuse, or who have grown up in violent homes experience PTSD daily.

Getting help isn’t easy when the words won’t come, finding the inner strength when it seems that you have nothing left. And the stigma attached prevents many from seeking the very help they so desperately need. I remember a counselor in high school who looked for anyway she could to keep me safe. But at that time, reporting abuse wasn’t required, and I convinced her that it would cause more trouble than I was worth. And yes, you read that right. Because when you suffer from PTSD you believe you have no worth at all.

Veterans in particular have a difficult time seeking help because it’s never curried favor with their superiors to admit they needed any. They’re supposed to be unbreakable. Our lawmakers ask the moon of them, yet cannot understand how our military personnel are also human. And it never seems to occur to them that we shouldn’t be fighting wars in the first place.

But for this candidate for the highest office in our country to suggest that our veterans who suffer from PTSD are weak is completely beyond the pale. He knows nothing of the things they’ve seen. He knows nothing of what they’ve endured watching children die, mothers die, their buddies on the battlefield die.

When my husband and I taught martial arts, we had a student who, like my husband, was a disabled Vietnam veteran. He  barely slept at night, his nightmares waking him if he did. He would wake up, his hands violently brushing off imaginary brain matter off of his chest belonging to a fellow soldier who died in his arms. There was a look of desperation in his eyes, always. He trained with us to regain some measure of control in lieu of his typical way of coping which was to use alcohol. He had a teenage son when he trained with us and he wanted to be a better dad to him. Although his son was somewhat used to what his dad dealt with, it was still difficult to see his dad in this state.

This is not the story of a weak man. This is a man who stood up to what he was experiencing and decided there could be a better life for himself and his family. This is what strength of character looks like. Our uninformed candidate would do well to take a lesson from this man and all other veterans just like him who deal with the effects of war after their discharge.

It’s not weakness to feel something on the battlefield. It says you still have a heart, a moral compass, and integrity. After a point, it gets to anyone. And frankly, I’m more worried about the people it doesn’t affect. Because either they’re in denial or they’re missing something of their humanity. But to come back, experience PTSD and then seek help? That tells me that their humanity is intact after all they endured. That tells me that they know their worth, have the inner strength to cope, and that they haven’t given up.

And it’s more than I can say for the uninformed candidate in the race.

And it’s also why I’m With Her.

 

References:

1. Benen, Steve. Donald Trump’s latest misstep on veterans: getting PTSD wrong. The Maddow Blog.

2. Dillon, Nancy; Joseph, Cameron. Donald Trump sparks outrage by suggesting vets with PTSD aren’t ‘strong’ and ‘can’t handle it’. NY Daily News.