It’s Too Serious to be Called Domestic Violence

Can we please stop calling assault by one’s spouse/partner/boyfriend, domestic violence? We tend to create labels that actually diminish in our minds the seriousness of the crime. It’s personal. It’s between a couple. Somehow, it’s not as important. And before anyone sends me hate mail, women are as capable as men when initiating an assault. It’s just that when women defend themselves, the justice system seems biased in favor of the guy. Just look at the case in Florida where Marissa Alexander received a 20 year sentence for firing a warning shot when she felt threatened by her abusive husband. They won’t even let her out to prepare for her new trial. So, I’m going to have a particular slant here, if only as my own perspective.

According to news reports, George Zimmerman was just arrested a short time ago for domestic violence. I have no idea what happened between Mr. Zimmerman and his girlfriend. But I can tell you about one such time between my parents. One night, my father slapped my mother so hard across the face for standing up to him that it echoed throughout the house. I watched in horror. I was eight. My father was a dangerous man. He had weapons in the house and we knew to be careful around him. But she was tired of being used and said so. He was up off the couch and on her in an instant. He left her swollen and bruised, teeth loosened. Then there was the requisite apology. She didn’t accept. Ever.

These days, that’s called domestic violence. Back then, it wasn’t called anything. Seems minor enough considering what some experience. But if it had been another guy, it would have been assault. In my mother’s case, he never struck her again. Instead, he focused the abuse on me. But then, that was part of the so-called domestic violence I lived with growing up. And he never went to jail. Life was always on his terms. Even now that he’s dead. Abusers have that effect.

Domestic violence is rarely only about violence between a couple. It’s affects everyone in the house as well as anyone who is aware of it. It’s an act of terror and terror becomes the norm, whether the act of terror is physical or psychological. I’ve known women who believe the physical abuse was a cake-walk compared to the endless psychological torture they endured. I understand that view and agree with it. As children, we have to figure out a way through all of it and become adults, leaving that baggage behind. Guess what. You don’t. It affects everything.

Hearing about Zimmerman’s arrest for domestic violence earlier today, made my stomach turn. He should be in prison for killing precious Trayvon.  Calling this domestic violence, especially in the case of repeat offenders, just doesn’t cut it. Assault is serious, even more so when it’s by someone who has convinced you he’s worthy of your trust.

It’s been the good ol’ boys club long enough. It’s not open season on women and children. We’re not targets for your aggression. We’re the people you’re supposed to love. Otherwise..go away. And for the love of God, let Marissa Alexander go home to her children.