Lay back and enjoy it???

I just read an article in Think Progress (link below) where Ranjit Sinha, India’s Chief of the Central Bureau of Investigation, said that if you are raped and can’t stop it, you might as well lay back and enjoy it. He apologized, saying the usual “it was taken out of context” comments. I guess he doesn’t realize that when he qualifies it that way, no woman anywhere is going to believe him.

I had a customer at the motorcycle shop I co-owned with my husband who told a rape joke that essentially ended with the same conclusion. His name was Mike and I think he was in his seventies, but still, what an idiot. It’s in moments like these that I am thankful for the fact that I’m an honorable black belt. Because that honor was the only thing that kept me from jumping over my desk and performing the first 30 seconds or so of my black belt test on his face. But then, had I done so, I would have been no better than he was and I don’t believe in beating up old men.

Many of us are survivors of sexual assault. To hear that an official charged with investigating rape said something like this demonstrates how rape culture filters throughout society, no matter where. In my case, that customer thought he was so special, telling that story. You know the kind who tell you a joke or a story as they take your leave. Thankfully, I never saw him again, and now that our business is over, I hope I never do. Because if I do, I’m going to bring up that story he told and explain to him how offensive it was. And yes, I’ll use my words and not other parts of my body in the explanation. I hope his wife is there when I say these things. Wives never know how their husbands behave while out on their Harleys. She would be horrified. The crap I’ve witnessed would fill volumes.

Another customer, Roger, in September of 2007 came by the shop for something and as he was leaving, he shook my hand. Now Roger knew that we used to teach karate for a living and he also knew how ill I was. He shook my hand, gripping it so hard that he broke something in one of the fingers of my right hand. I knew something happened, but I didn’t know for sure what it was. I was in such shock and in such pain that I just sat there. I always struggled with standing up for myself there because I felt that doing so would negatively affect our business. But Roger knew I had severe rheumatoid arthritis and that my hands were a mess. Shaking someone’s hand is so automatic that I didn’t think twice because no one..and I mean no one.. had ever gripped my hand that way. Most wouldn’t even try to shake my hand..they could see what my hands looked like. They were swollen and at times I couldn’t even hold a phone in my hand because gripping anything was difficult. But he did it. He didn’t leave right away and tried to do it one more time before leaving again. I declined and he got a funny look on his face..kind of a half-smile. It was then that I was sure that he knew what he had done. I basically lost full use of that finger due to the swelling and pain. For most of the last six years, it’s been that way and now there are at least five nodules that surround the joint. At least I can use it now. So that’s something. I heard from some of his friends that he nearly knocked a woman down as he was going out of a door at a gas station and didn’t even acknowledge he did so. His friends apologized profusely to her, but not him. In our system, we had techniques for aggressive handshakes. As ill as I was, however, I don’t know how effective I would have been had I responded to what was clearly an attack on me. So environmental weaponry would probably have come into play. Kenpoists are nothing if not creative.

We’re hearing a lot about rape culture these days. India has had it’s fair share of criticism over how it views and then handles rape. Women are ridiculed and judged for something that is not their fault. Rape is a crime, after all. I read about a rape club in New Zealand that has been around destroying lives for the last two years or so. Why has nothing been done about these boys? Why are they being allowed to hurt girls this way?

Women are not the enemy, yet men continually see us that way. And don’t even get me started on the women who fail other women. Traitors to the sisterhood, they are. We have a portion of Congress as well as GOP Governors who have begun a national war on women by the policies they introduce that oppress us and circumvent our constitutional rights. We have police who think nothing of doing roadside cavity searches for nonexistent drugs. We have police who arrest women for DUII and then film them as they’re strip searched, doing God knows what with the video. And of course there’s that stupid teacher who received a 30 day sentence for raping a 14 old student who subsequently committed suicide prior to his sentencing. The judge in the case should be removed from the bench and prosecuted for stupidity alone.
 
Lay back and enjoy it? Really? Do these idiots really think we’re that stupid? We see what’s going on in the world and how it affects us and our children. We see the lack of compassion and the downright bullying that’s going on. Whether it’s countries who gas their people, or it’s our Tea Party controlled Congress who is doing all kinds of nefarious things to us, we know who you are. Because isn’t the Tea Party essentially saying the same thing to all of us..lay back and enjoy it as they give the middle finger to us all? The incident in the restaurant parking lot in Texas the other day demonstrates this. Four women in a restaurant talking about ways to stop gun violence, versus forty men, so secure in their manhood, with guns. The world has gone insane.

How we regard people matters. It really begins and ends there. If we see others as holy and as brothers, we can’t help but treat them well. Crimes like rape and other forms of assault would be anathema. We just couldn’t bring ourselves to do it, let alone think about doing it. Rape culture is part of a broader mindset that is destructive and serves no one. A little compassion would be nice because #WomenNeverForget and we’re #1BillionRising. Might want to think about that..

India’s Top Police Official: ‘If You Can’t Prevent Rape, You Enjoy It’