The Bully on the Block

We’ve all been acquainted with the bully on the block. You know, the sort of individual who goes out of his or her way to create conflict with others. Sadly, I’ve known a bunch of bullies over my life and it doesn’t matter if it’s men or women. I know one woman who is so nasty that she can’t seem to understand that the conflict she experiences begins and ends with her and no one else. She targets people and embarrasses herself on a regular basis yet cannot see what she’s doing, causing endless offense and hard feelings between herself and others.

What’s interesting about people like this is that everyone around them seems to enable their inappropriate behavior. I worked with a woman like this years ago and the entire agency was terrified of her. She created so much stress by her actions yet even the director of the agency wouldn’t counsel her. I was tasked with completing some of her work that she couldn’t seem to finish and it took three months to get the project because no one would inform her of the change. I finally went to her desk and told her that I needed the documents while my boss and her boss stood out in the hallway. She looked at me, and when I said, now, she handed me the folders without a word. I went back to my desk finishing the project by the end of the day.

Bullies have an idea of themselves not shared by others. They see themselves as justified in everything they do, such as in the first example. In her case, she saw herself in a particular way which wasn’t based in reality, and she’s been unable to release herself from that viewpoint. Instead of settling down, she doubles down as she harasses others, making a complete fool of herself in the process.

In the case of my former co-worker, the task I took on involved money that we hadn’t received due to her unwillingness to finish the work. The agency was the type that relied on both state and federal funding along with donations to operate, so we needed the money to pay staff, etc. But when faced with her own negligence, she finally resigned herself to losing that project.

I understand the fear that even a supervisor may feel when dealing with bullies and other difficult people. It’s not fun but these bullies depend on that kind of reaction so that they get what they want. The woman from the first example believes she has power she simply doesn’t have and becomes angry when she doesn’t get her way or doesn’t get to run the show, appearing small and petty when interacting with others. My co-worker kept people at a distance with her behavior which allowed her to structure her workload in the way that she preferred irrespective of the financial impact it had to the agency. In short, these people get a self-serving thrill out of how they treat others.

The point that the bullies on the block miss is that we’re all on to them. We know who and what they are and have come to expect their lies and histrionics. It’s all they have. Because for them, truth only gets in the way of their agenda.

Admittedly, I don’t have any patience for people like this. They’re deliberately clueless. It’s by design. They’re a walking, talking lie. They have no self-respect and demean others to feel better about themselves. Talking to them is a waste of time, so I don’t engage with them. Instead, I cast spells. Even with free-will being what it is, most of them work out well. But if spell-casting isn’t your thing, then I would suggest anything related to child-rearing, perhaps refusing to respond to the bully until s/he exhibits the desired behavior. Reward the appropriate behavior with a piece of candy (M&Ms work well) while ignoring any behavior that’s negative. This takes time, of course, for the new appropriate behavior to replace the problematic behavior, and we may feel compelled to hurry the process along with some spellcasting, so here’s a quick spell that doesn’t require additional goodies, but use ’em if you got ’em.

We have a choice to make when casting a spell in terms of its focus. Do we go all in and either bind, banish, or curse someone? Or do we take a more measured approach? I like to focus my spellwork on transmutation of Self. So what I would do is to think about transmutation and how that might work with a bully. Since it seems to involve a process of realization, then I would use two candles to represent that process: one black and one white. The idea is that I would move the bully’s perception from dark to light. Bullies have an intense focus and have no problem intimidating others with sarcasm and cheap shots. So it’s really easy to throw a curse in their direction and a little more difficult not to react in anger to these people. We have to remember that bullies are actually lost souls who cannot connect in a positive manner with others and at least attempt to respond with compassion.

Since I like to work within a cast circle, I’ll do that first. From there, I’ll place the black and white candles in the center of my workspace and then place a ring of salt around them. Salt is protective and neutralizes negative energies so witches use a lot of salt. That, and mugwort. I also like copal, but that’s just me.

Anyway, after lighting the candles, I would place a small amount of dirt either from the bully’s home or dirt that I’ve consecrated as such in front of the black candle. Somewhere between the two candles I would place a small dish of water (forming a triangle in the shape of Elemental Water is nice).

Next, I would write the bully’s name on a small piece of paper, drawing and chanting the rune, Isa through the name. For those folks unfamiliar with that rune, it’s a single vertical line like the number one. Roll the paper tightly and set it on the small pile of dirt in front of the black candle. Isa brings unwanted behavior or situations to a halt, so I like to use it when binding, banishing, or transmuting. Placing the rolled paper with the bully’s name in the dirt aligns the bully with his/her negative foundation.

From there, I’ll sprinkle dirt over the rolled paper saying: This is who you are

Next, I’ll take the rolled paper and wave it through the smoke from the black candle saying: Negativity dissipates

Next, I’ll sprinkle water from the small bowl on the rolled paper saying: Water purifies

Next, I’ll wave the rolled paper through the smoke from the white candle saying: Spirit transforms

I’ll stand in silence as I cast my intention to the newly transformed person knowing its resonance has taken hold. And when it’s time, I’ll release the circle and then take the dirt and the rolled paper and bury it in the ground, either at or near the individual’s home. If that’s not possible, then it’s fine to use another location to designate as such. It’s about the intention so we can be flexible.

Bullies are difficult to deal with at any age. We think they grow up and become better people but that doesn’t always happen. And sometimes they force us to deal with them when all we really want is for the nonsense to stop. So treat them like children or cast a spell. Or ignore them. They really hate that.

Blessed Be