Life goes on..

It’s interesting. Every time I either stand up for myself, or do what someone in authority tells me to do, I’m viewed as a bad person. It’s as if as long as I’m doing everything that everyone else wants, then I’m a good person. If I say no to something, I’m not. How is that even possible? Or fair?

And the retaliation is awful. Because they always retaliate. My father (abuser) dies and as one of the beneficiaries, I’m given account numbers that my brother and I are beneficiaries on so that I can arrange for their disbursement. I did that. Then, wouldn’t you know it, I received more account numbers from another bank. It’s funny because I don’t remember being told about them by my abuser’s wife’s family member who called me to give me the initial account numbers. I seem to remember getting the additional account numbers from my brother who found out when the bank sent him some paperwork on those accounts. Until then, he had no idea that they even existed. And according to my brother, my abuser’s wife didn’t appear happy that he knew about them. But I wasn’t there, so I don’t know if that was true or not. After all, he had a different relationship with him and was pretty upset about losing his father. But then he didn’t do the things to my brother that he did to me. So I contacted that bank, did what they asked and the funds were disbursed to me and my brother. Now I’m the bad guy for doing so. And now my abuser’s wife is sending me his medical bills to pay. 

What I’d like to know is where is his will? I’m fairly certain that he had one. Who gets his personal possessions? I don’t want any of them, but I know my brother would like to have something. Why do women get involved with men later in life, believing only what they tell them about themselves? Did she ever wonder why I had no contact with him? She’s a mother. Didn’t she suspect? I would have.

Well, I’m not going to pay anything and she has no right to ask for this. I had no contact with him for good reason. I wasn’t safe around him. He had an arsenal that he used to intimidate and threaten me and my mother with. And where is that arsenal now? It was worth a fortune. I asked my brother and he doesn’t know. Again, I don’t want the arsenal. I want nothing other than what I’ve already received. I had no idea I was receiving anything and I had no idea my name was on any accounts. I had no contact with him. I had no choice there. He terrified me. And on July 2, when he died, I was finally safe. Survivors understand this. I’m sorry my abuser’s wife can’t. Instead, she’s angry at, and punishes, his victim. I don’t get this. He should have gone to prison for what he did. And she wants to punish ME?

I don’t wish ill on my abuser’s wife. I don’t know her. I’ve never met her. And although I know my abuser could talk his way into and out of anything including a marriage (he’s been married a bunch of times), I want nothing to do with anyone who has made a conscious decision to have something to do with him. I can’t trust people who do this. I don’t know if his past wives were unaware of who and what he was, but I can’t take that chance that they were. He destroyed my chance at a healthy life. 

And on July 2, 2013, after 55 terrifying years, I took that chance back. So there you have it.