About that WaPo opinion piece…

An interesting opinion piece appeared in the Washington Post on August 30 by Betsy Karasik, a former lawyer. She was writing about her views on the Montana case where a teacher and student engaged in a supposedly consensual sexual relationship. The teenaged victim committed suicide in 2010, and the teacher was recently sentenced to 30 days in jail for what he did. My last blog post was my own response to the judge’s ruling. I believe he should resign. He refuses to do so. So there you have it.

And now my attempt at highlighting and responding to what she wrote. Apologies if I screw up. I’m really trying to get this right. And I’ll try not to let my own agenda make me snarky. Because I do have an agenda and I can get really snarky when I’m upset. 

Ms. Karasik believes that not every sexual encounter between students and teachers should be called rape. She does believe that they should lose their jobs and not get them back until they can prove they are not going to engage in that type of behavior anymore. She believes that teenage girls think about sex as much or more as do boys at that age. She recounts how she knew people in high school and college who had sexual relationships with teachers and no one, as she put it, “died”. She stated further that sexual contact between students and teachers is not so cut and dried as we’d like to believe and that viewing all of it the same way only creates further problems such as students being reluctant to report problems if all this drama results when they do. Although she does state that something has to happen to teachers who offend this way, the criminal justice system is not the place because it results in too much shame for the victim. She calls what happened, “underage sex” and draws a distinction between that and statutory rape. 

Okay. 

I was also a teenage girl. And yes, I was sexually active during high school. I was also attracted to various teachers in high school and college. And here’s the thing about college. I was 16 when I began and 20 when I graduated. I did not act on my attraction to older guys in high school, but I did in college and one was a teacher, and the other was the head of the department. I agree with her assessment about those experiences not ruining my life, but did I do all that because I was ready, or because I was a survivor of sexual abuse? Do we know if the girl was a survivor before this happened? If she was, would this fact influence Ms. Karasik’s view? If every child targeted by teachers were also survivors would it be okay to charge the teacher with rape then?

Okay, deep breath..

I didn’t report what happened to me because I feared for my life. How does Ms. Karasik know that high school girls aren’t facing the same thing with these so-called “consensual” relationships? And as far as calling this “underage sex”, that was always reserved for kids..not kids and teachers. If it’s an adult, it’s not underage sex. It’s an adult having sex with a child. I don’t really care if we call it something else as long as the teacher does jail time for it. Rehab doesn’t work for these people.

Ms. Karasik admonishes against painting situations like these with a broad brush, that not every encounter should be viewed the same way. I agree with her to a point. The problem I have with that view is she doesn’t take into account the background of the girls who this happens to. What if these girls have already been abused and are only approaching these teachers because of their own boundary issues created from that abuse? I agree that high school girls are far more aware than even I was in the 70’s, but still, they deserve protection from teachers who target and abuse them. Consent flies right out the window when it’s someone not in your peer group. And if teachers can’t figure this out, then they need to go away. Permanently. They should never be allowed to teach again.

Oh, and about that shame thing.. I know something about shame. I agree that the system makes things difficult if not impossible for victims. So change that. But to not incarcerate these idiots makes a mockery of what victims go through. And here’s another thing about those of us who this happens to. Our views can change about the experience as we mature. We may be fine about it when it happens, but then later, as we become adults and mothers, we see just how risky it all was. And then we wish that teacher would have had cared enough to stop us instead of viewing it as playtime.

As far as something other than incarceration so that the victim isn’t traumatized, I don’t understand that at all. And the reference to religious leaders and politicians not keeping their pants on as justification for expecting the same from teachers is odd. Why appeal to the lowest common denominator? Why not use this as a teachable moment? If the teenage girl is upset that her “boyfriend” is being put in jail, then maybe it’s time to explain what actually happened to her. That he’s not her “boyfriend”, but her teacher. That he used his position of authority and her youthful inexperience to fulfill his own needs. We shouldn’t accept boundary violations from anyone. And we should never point the finger at all the problem children out there posing as adults to justify the rest of this nonsense. Just because someone else behaves badly, it now excuses everyone else’s bad behavior? Really? We shouldn’t have standards? 

Maybe there should be a different set of laws when high school aged kids are involved. Maybe it should be, as Ms. Karasik suggests, more “nuanced”. But we have to draw the line somewhere. Predators groom their victims. Teachers have the perfect opportunity to do this. I watched my father, my abuser, be inappropriate with my friends. He was a teacher. He had to leave his teaching position when dozens of letters from parents and students poured into the school district, complaining about his inappropriate comments and behavior. I have no idea if he put his hands on anyone because he never was arrested. He’s dead now. So there’s that. We’re all safe now.

This is, in some ways, a complicated issue. But then, it’s not. The saying is, between two consenting adults. It’s not, between a consenting adult and a consenting child. A child cannot give consent. Ever. There are problems with the system, to be sure. But a child giving consent isn’t one of them. We must protect our children. Incarcerating these predators is necessary. They won’t stop, so we must stop them. There should be no exceptions to this. To feel sorry for the teacher in question is misplaced. He should have known better. He’s an adult. She was 14. And now she’s dead. 

UPDATE:  Jessica Valenti wrote an article in The Nation about this issue..well worth a read:  http://www.thenation.com/blog/175991/acting-older-isnt-being-older-how-we-fail-young-rape-victims#