This Is Where We Are Now

When she was 4, she built a lego house

When she was 5, she told us sometimes bad people come to schools

Today she is 6, she put her bulletproof backpack on & kissed me goodbye

I’m a mom this morning – what about this afternoon?#OneVoice1pic.twitter.com/E3W57ir77l

— Dr. Wineau (@drwineau) August 21, 2019

I was scrolling through my Twitter timeline and I came across the above tweet from Dr. Wineau. My heart instantly broke and I realized after reading it that I had stopped breathing. Because her words reflect exactly what parents and children in this country experience now.

Our boys are adults, but we chose at one point to remove them from public school and let them finish out the remainder of their education at home. We didn’t make this choice for religious reasons, but for reasons of safety and integrity. We made the decision at the end of the 92-93 school year and until they each began college, they pursued their education at home.

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At that time, we were a martial arts family and my husband and I owned a karate school where we both taught classes. Our boys were also martial artists and were skilled enough to respond to an attack if necessary; however, self-defense was not allowed at either school and would result in arrest and expulsion if a student was involved in such.

So, here we were, teaching children, our own and others, to defend themselves, and they couldn’t do that without extreme consequences in the very place an attack might occur. During the fourth grade, our youngest son was pushed into an existing altercation by another student. A large sixth-grade boy had our son’s friend in a headlock and when our son ran over to see what was happening, he was shoved toward the altercation. Off-balance, my son later described that as he fell toward the older boy, the boy lost his grip on our son’s classmate and friend, and immediately grabbed our son and placed him in a headlock.

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It was only when an adult came running that the boy let go. By that time, our son’s breathing was beginning to be affected. He didn’t lose consciousness, but things could have turned out differently had the adult not arrived when she did.

Our son was immediately taken to detention and the principal contacted me to let me know what had happened. She said that my son indicated that he was shoved into the fray, but she didn’t know if she should believe him. I said I would talk to him later that evening, but supported her decision to punish him. That is until I spoke with my son.

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I was sick inside after I spoke with my son. He had been honest with the principal but because the adult who responded to the situation didn’t see how it began, she didn’t know who started what. All she saw was an older boy executing a headlock on a younger boy. So the principal did the only thing she could do which was to punish both the older boy and my son for fighting.

I contacted the principal, relayed our conversation, and told her that my son was innocent. I also said that the reason he didn’t defend himself when he could have was due to the district’s draconian policy of arrest and expulsion. It didn’t apparently matter if one side was responding in self-defense. He didn’t want to get in trouble, so my son who could defend himself chose not to do so.

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The principal regretted her decision to give him detention and apologized for the misunderstanding. But given the alarming activity over at the junior high school where my older boy attended seventh grade and the parent monitors present all day long to prevent random student against student violence, I contacted another family who had chosen to pull their five kids out of public school at the end of the prior year to see how they were doing.

Mom wasn’t there but Grandma was and we chatted for over an hour about why we needed to homeschool. Both my boys are gifted as were a few in their family and after a conversation with Grandma and later Mom, I was convinced that this was the direction we needed to take. I spoke with my husband and he was on board. Then we spoke to the boys and they happily said, yes!

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We didn’t fear school shootings in the early nineties where we live. We didn’t have to endure the panic and fear that families now experience, or hear about the active shooter drills children now have to practice to protect them during a school shooting. We didn’t have that, only a bully who couldn’t control himself that day. Or groups of older boys who find a lone student and then attack them with small handtools such as needlenose pliers and other tools that could rip buttons from shirts and metal brads from jeans. Because that’s what was happening at the junior high school when my oldest attended that year.

The other thing that happened at the junior high school that year was not enough time for students to use the bathroom between classes. The school was huge, and although a bathroom pass was issued each quarter, it was limited and kids often used up their passes before the quarter ended. So, some of the teachers came up with the bright idea to require students to pay a quarter to the so-called charity can to use the bathroom during class time. Yes, students had to pay money to use the bathroom.

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That’s extortion as far as my husband I were concerned and the school had to reimburse my son eight quarters when he finally told us about it. And looking back, that’s the other thing we had realized. Our kids were willing to accept whatever the school dished out and not tell us about it. Except, we didn’t have that relationship with them. We had always been a family who was honest with each other. So this was probably the most troubling aspect of all.

In the end, the decision to homeschool was easy. We finally adopted an unschooling approach which was more interest-led but with a focus on what they needed for college. But between the safety concerns and the general disrespect visited on students, I just wasn’t comfortable anymore with our boys in public school.

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However, this is where parents and children are now. Instead of playing and learning, children are forced to contend with active shooter drills that may do little to save them should the worst occur. Although it’s not a solution for everyone, refocusing our boys’ education to a homeschooling approach proved to be the right choice for our family. And maybe it’s something others want to consider.

Blessings to all…